Big Bang Theory: Ninja Style!
by muaaimoi
Summary: So what would the ninja world be like if team seven was compromised of our favorite neighbors?
1. Chapter 1

_**Big Band: Ninja Style!**_

**by: muaaimoi**

_- A very different team seven-_

" Uh! When is our sensei getting here damn it!" A pretty whiskered blonde yelled as she banged her fist on the desk before her." Its been two whole HOURS!"

" Clearly, our sensei will be here once he deigns to appear Penny, as he can't possibly be here before then. Unless you subscribe to a non linear form of causality..." A tall, gangly teen offered, looking up from the thick science tome in his hands. Then he paused and seemingly drifted off into his thoughts.

" Shut up Sheldon" Penny and Leonard chorused, long used to being in class with the brainiac.

Leonard shot Penny a shy look over his glasses. The whisker marks were really quite fetching...

But the blonde girl simply glared at Sheldon , oblivious, causing Leonard to level him with his own dark look.

Sheldon simply blinked at them, coming back from his musings and inquiring," Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Jeez Sheldon," Penny complained,"Your hopeless!" How was she suppose to stay mad at him when he had no idea he was being annoying? The nerve of some people!

"Yeah", Leonard chuckled, "Hopeless". And this was the so called class genius?

" Your _all_ hopeless" A voice interjected, startling all three teens.

Their jounin Sensei stood before them ,the expression on his face unreadable due to his mask.

"Lets see what I can do about name is Kakashi Hatake. Meet me on the roof in five minutes."

That said he poofed away, leaving the new genin to follow.

xXx

" So tell me about yourselves." Kakashi said in mild disinterest. Another year another genin team to fail. No matter how interesting the Demon holder, last Uchiha , or child genius were supposed to be. They were still kids and therefore; brats. Not worthy of his time or effort. Most especially effort, not when he could be wasting time he could have spent admiring Jiraya-sama's work.

" Um" Penny began," What kind of thing do you want us to say sensei?"

"Yeah" Leonard added," "can you give us an example?"

"well...I have no intention of telling you my likes and dislikes. As for hobbies? I have a few. My dreams are none of your business." Kakashi said.

" But that's not telling us anything at all!" Sheldon protested." Isn't the point of this meeting to get to know us? And test us some how? So you can decide weather or not you wanna train us?"

Penny and Leonard gaped at him.

If Kakashi hadn't been an experienced jounin he would have chocked. As it stood he gave the genin before him a very even look. " How do you know about that?"

" Statistics" Sheldon replied promptly.

" About ninety percent of graduating classes receive their head band " Sheldon said excitedly, fully prepared to go into explanation mode. Penny ,who's habit of coming late to class often resulted in sitting next to him, clamped her hand over his mouth automatically. There was no other way to stem the flow.

" So you really are a genius then?" Kakashi questioned. Not that he'd done the math, but that he'd bothered to look. It showed some initiative at least.

"I would have graduated at five if my mother hand forbidden it ." Sheldon said proudly. His team mates gaped further. Penny's mouth going especially wide as she tried to speak and no sound escaped her.

Kakashi blinked. "Why didn't she let you?"

"I come from a civilian family. Mother barely tolerates me being a Ninja as it is. The cultures between Shinobi and non-shinobi are very different." He further explained.

And thankfully shinobi culture was very secretive. He really doubted his mother would have allowed it if she found out that killing really was somewhat of a requirement. And that he wouldn't just be hauled up in the tower doing secret research . He often thanked his lucky stars that being a shinobi required exceptional skills in the field of deceit. And that the library carried quite a few volumes on how to improve one's own skill in the subject.

Kakashi blinked some more. As much as Shinobi Tensai where lauded, they really werent that rare. Or that smart. They where simply from Shinobi clans who trained them from birth. If they responded very well to the training, they where labeled geniuses. Tensai from civilian families where nearly unheard of. So maybe one of his genin really was interesting. Maybe.

"Five!" Penny squeaked, finally getting her throat to work. Leonard was still staring dumbly.

" That's what he said" Kakashi stated," So go ahead goldy locks."

" Goldy locks! My name is Uzumaki Penny! P-E-N-N-Y! And don't you forget it mister. Your gonna be the teacher of the most famous Ninja of the hidden leaf! I like ramen and flower accessories. I hate people who judge me before they know me and cant take a joke." Penny said," I guess my hobby is taijutsu training and taking care of my plant's. My dream is to be the most famous Ninja EVER! And have legions of adoring fans!"

Kakashi gave a subtle sigh, a primadonna with delusions of grandure. So much for potential.

" Four eyes" He prompted.

" I'm leonard Uchiha, I like studying nin-jutsu and eating oringini. I dislike people who speak behind others back . My hobby is training and my dream is to revive my clan."He concluded, shooting Penny another shy look she did't notice.

A fan boy. The collective result of countless of generations of serious, scary Ninja's and the last loyal of them was a fan Boy. Fugaku was probably rolling in his grave. But not nearly as much as Beverly.

He didn't have to grace Sheldon with an unwanted nickname as he took Leonard finishing as his que to start.

" I'm Sheldon Haruno. I enjoy reading and putting things Iv'e learned to good use. I dislike people and their inane banalities. My hobby is developing my own genjutsu and my dream is to be Hokage!" Sheldon finished with flourish.

Well, far be it for him to tell the kid not to dream to big. But that seemed to apply to all his genin. They'd get their own individual reality checks in time...Hopefully.

" As Sheldon said, your not fully fledged genin until I'm your sensei officially. Meet me in training ground Nine at Eight. And dont eat anything. You might throw up!" He finished cheerfully. So maybe he was curious to what his mismatched little team was capable of. Just a bit.

xXx

**Okay so this is clearly crackish but it kept gnawing on me so here it is. I may continue it as a ** series of **random one shots. but I'm not all that sure . What do you guy's think? Happy new year!**


	2. Chapter 2

The bell test does not go as planned.

The kids don't shout at him when he's late. In fact, he finds then all making some ridiculously glittery flower accessories on the ground, completely in sync with each other. Singing some ridiculous song that sounds eerily familiar.

Its mockingly, clearly great teamwork. They have a rather substantial pile bedside them. He inwardly grumbles and tells himself it doesn't mean anything. Not even the famous Ino-Shika-Cho had good team work to begin with.

His excuse earns him a raised eyebrow from all his Genin, simultaneously .Only Sheldon grumbles something that sounds like 'hokum' under his breath. Kakashi is secretly grateful, as that breaks up their creepy sync.

He announces the parameters of the test.

Again, there's a suspicious lack of shouting. If it hadn't been for the tense look Leonard shot Penny he would have thought the Genin unfazed. Of course a fan boy would fret at the very idea of being separated from his Idol. Penny's face doesn't shift from the beaming smile she's been wearing since he showed up. Come to think of it, its the same expression she'd worn after she'd finished yelling at him the day before. Kakashi silently dubs it 'brainless bimbo extraordinaire'.

Sheldon, similarly consistent with his facial expressions, is blank faced, with a calm stoicism that would make an Auburame weep with envy.

" If you want one of the bells you must come at me with the intent to kill" Kakashi says and watches his Genin 'disappear'.

xXx

It takes him a few seconds to realize that he really has lost Sheldon. Then a few minutes after, to verify.

And that simply can't be happening. Hes an experienced Jounin, arguably one of the best in the village. Green little Genin don't actually get away from him. No matter how smart they are.

Except that clearly they do. He has no idea where Sheldon has gone.

He can feel Penny by the river and Leonard isn't much further by some shrubs.

But no Sheldon. Zilpch, nada. It would have been almost dauntingly impressive if it wasn't so infuriating.

xXx

"Penny" Says a muted voice from behind her, and Penny bites back a shriek.

" What Sheldon?" She hisses as loudly as she dares. It wont do to be mad with the guy who had fed her that morning. She'd been starving when he had produced the 'emergency ratios'.

Best damn bento she had ever had.

" If I could have a moment of your time?" He asked, blue eyes meeting her own deliberately.

Penny silently nodded her acquaintance. Sheldon wasn't often serious but the guy wasn't called a genius for nothing.

He'd really saved her ass with the whole Mizuki thing. And didn't seem to mind that she had a giant demon sealed inside her. He was probably her only true friend. Ino would have never been so accepting. She might of not even bothered to keep the 'covenant' with out the Third's Law. But Sheldon was solid like that. He might be wierd but he had never left her to fend for herself when he could help.

" Our Sensei is attempting to deceive us, Penny" Sheldon began, speaking softly." Genin cells are three man teams. Always. Its the Law."

" So he lied!" Penny snarled," I was about to get really stressed about weather or not I was gonna be your teammate!"

Sheldon blinked at her." Penny, that implies that your sure I am going to pass this test."

Penny shot him a strange look." Name one test you've ever failed."

" I can't",Sheldon didn't notice when his cheeks twitched into the barest hint of a smile.

But Penny did. She gave him a bright beam," Lets kick ass and take names Sheldon."

" We must ally ourselves with Leonard first, Konoha has always prized teamwork beyond individual ability. Its doubtless the true test."

" Then lets go" Penny whispered happily, glad she would be part of the same cell as her whack-a-doodle. It would be a lot of things, but boring wasn't one of them.

xXx

Kakashi came back to himself when he noticed Penny making her way towards Leonard. Perhaps the girl had decided her chances where better with some one she could order around. He followed, utterly unprepared for what he saw.

Penny was indeed speaking with Leonard. She also had Sheldon in tow.

Kakashi blinked, focusing his attention on to the Genin. He could see him. But he couldn't feel him. There where veteran ANBU ninja who couldnt do that. And the kid was twelve. He hadn't managed that until he was sixteen.

" Penny," Leonard was saying," how do you know Sheldon isn't just trying to sabotage us!"

" If that was the case I could have easily left you to your own devices" Sheldon stated frankly.

" What he said", Penny nodded." Beside's Sheldon wouldn't have to screw us over to pass the test and hes never gone out of his way to do that to anyone Leonard."

" But.." Leonard floundered trying to find a way to make her understand that the perfect Genin team was the two of them. Together. Only with out, you know, saying it." He hates people Penny, he told us that yesterday."

" I dislike people in general," Sheldon informed them, " I am a person after all and I'm rather fond of myself. Then you have others such as Penny whom I have grown accustomed to, and incorporated into my schedule."

" Aw, I love you too Moon Pie" Penny teased. Leonard chocked.

Sheldon scowled at her.

" Penny only Meemaw can call me that! How many times must I repeat myself?"

" Ive got her permision, remember moon Pie?" Granny Cooper was exactly the kind of grandmother Penny would be someday. Made of awesome.

" How I wish I could forget" Sheldon muttered, " Be that as it may you do not have my permission."

She smiled brighter at him, one of life's guilty pleasures for her was pocking fun at Sheldon. But they where in the middle of their Genin test now. They're would be plenty of time for that later." Come on Leonard you have nothing to loose by teaming up with us. How else are three Genin suppose to best a Jounin?"

Leonard shot Sheldon one last dark look before conceding. It was only logical.

Kakashi looked at the first group of genin to ever willingly team up against him.

They are unlike any team he has ever seen before. Individually they seem leagues apart. Leonard wasn't the years stop student. But if not for Sheldon he would have been. Kakashi had checked, and no one beside Sheldon had held that honor since the boy was Five. He had gone out of his way to take the rookie of the year title every six months. Doubtlessly to prove he could. A bored genius was often a bitter one. The boy will go far some day. Craft a legend out of his mind.

Leonard has a completely different advantage. He is also the last of an ancient and Noble ninja clan. He has prospects his teammates could only dream about. Blood and wealth are a very special currency in the world.

Penny has a burden he wouldn't wish on anyone. And she has not borne the result well. She is the dead-last of her class and he can only mourn the wasted potential she holds.

Yet they have all agreed to work together. No arrogance or false confidence. The lack of bluster is almost unbelievable. Simply three people who understand that their goal is most attainable through a combined effort.

He knows its the makings of a true legendary team.

He Shushins before them. Curiously, neither Sheldon nor Penny jump. Kakashi looks at Leonards startled face and has a moment of revelation. He casts his gaze at his other two gening. Penny's lips are stretched into her customary grin. Sheldon's face is as blank as it had been mere minutes before.

They had known he was coming.

Kakashi lets his own mouth stretch into a small smile." You guys pass!"

xXx

**_Im thinking of keeping the shinobi world mostly in tact and adding the rest of the big bang cast as civilians. If i continue I wont be able to resist adding Sheldon's family. On the other hand putting Howard and Raj on a team with Lesly winkle is oddly appealing. Or maybe a gathering of evil with Kripky , Winkle, and Wheaton on a team?_**


	3. Chapter 3

In a way that makes simultaneously no sense, and yet far too much, Leonard is the only one of them with a social life.

It might have something to do with Penny being a demon holder and Sheldon preferring his own company to anyone else's. Leonard doesnt know any of this when he asks what his teammates plan to do to celebrate.

The bewilder looks they give him freak him out a little.

" I was just wondering if you wanted to come along. I'm going to this Korean place with some friends of mine and uh, Do you guys want to come?"

Leonard cuts himself off when he realizes what he's done. He had just meant to ask Penny. But something about being under those two gazes was unnerving. He steels himself for they're reply.

Penny and Sheldon share a look. Leonard gets the feeling they're having an entire silent conversation before him.

Finally Penny's smile widens, " Sure were gonna be team mates now. We should get to know each other!"

" Very well" Sheldon says simply.

Leonard tells himself that he will at least get to spend some time with Penny. And maybe ask Sheldon just whats up between his team mates.

xXx

" So Leonard, you didn't tell me your teammate was such a fox" A short genin says with a creepy leer.

" Yeah Leonard , She's really, really blonde! Actually, she seems really familiar" the snide tone that comes out of the smirking female beside him isn't much of a surprise.

The last member of team Twelve ducks his head shyly.

Team seven, sitting directly across them on the table regret their attendance in their very own, special ways.

Leonard regrets having brought his team mates. Even Penny. He'd actually forgotten that Penny had failed the genin test two times before she passed it. He doubts her and Lesley Winkle have ever gotten along. Howard will do nothing but harass her all night. At least Raj can't talk.

Penny takes a moment to hate everything, even Sheldon. He clearly hadn't tried hard enough to convince her this was a Bad Idea. Capitals intended. She knows on some level it's her own fault. After spending a certain amount of time with Sheldon, any kind of social interaction with someone, anyone else starts to seem appealing. It's amazing how easily she forgets that everything hates her. And that it did it first.

Now she's going to spend at least the next half an hour getting mocked by Lesley Winlkle. Last years runner up for Rookie of the year. Howard is a separate nightmare she had thought she left behind when he'd graduated. It's further proof that her life sucks that that's apparently not the case. At least Raj can't talk.

Sheldon surveys the people before him with a bored gaze, " I take it your acquainted. No doubt Penny was in your class from last year."

Penny lets herself hate Sheldon just a little more.

" I'm Sheldon Haruno, the Rookie of the year."

Lesley snorts, " Please, dumbass, their's clearly some rule about not assigning that tittle anymore. I was first in my class and I didn't get it. Ergo, no ones rookie of the year."

Sheldon glares at the insult, " Let me para phrase, I'm Sheldon Haruno, I've been the rookie of the year for the last six years."

The gobsmacked look on Lesley's face grants Sheldon Penny's forgiveness. The man can't help the way he is.

The evening goes impossibly further south from there.

xXx

Lesley spends the evening alternating insults between Penny and Sheldon. Howard begins a relentless crusade for Penny's favor. This translates into a multitude of gross come on's that leave Penny fingering her kunai. Leonard tries desperately to start an actual conversation. He ends up directing most of his statements at Raj. Mostly Raj stares at the table and tries to pretend he's somewhere else.

Sheldon blusters at Lesley's insults and glares death at her. He's never met anyone so rude in his life. And he's best acquainted with Penny of all people. The woman has the manners of a barnyard animal. And that's when pressed!

Finally Penny cant take it any more. In a move that surprises no one who'd been paying attention, she whams her fist into Howard's face. They get kicked out of the restaurant.

" I guess that getting held back so much was good for something" Is Lesley's parting shot before she drags her team mate to the nearest hospital ( As team leader she had to assume responsibility for the idiots they had saddled her with).

Penny gapes at her retreating back.

" That bitch!" She cries, tugging harshly at her hair in frustration before taking off. She needs some serious ramen to deal with this.

" Penny! Wait!" Leonard calls after her. Following in the hopes that she won't hate him by the end of the night. Clearly she won't be getting along with his friends. Really! What had he been thinking?

" Well that was eventful" Raj says, watching them leave" Lets never do it again"

" Agreed" Sheldon answers automatically, before shooting Raj a strange look, " You can talk?"

xXx

**_Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Howard and Raj. I don't want to mess up the cannon too badly or Ill never keep the story straight in my head. As it stands Hypothetical Spiritual Entity had a very good point. Civvies and Ninjas don't really interract much. So heres a comprimise. team twelve. Dont worry I will give a reason for Leonard being friends with them despite the age difference and blah blah blah. Please tell me what you think, any Ideas are appreciated and have a high probability of being implemented, Howard will have a very interesting reaction to reacquainting himself with Rock Lee. So with that spoiler alert R&R _**


	4. Chapter 4

" A cat" The only female of team Seven says.

Seven years of her life, and her first glamorous genin mission? Retrieve the Fire Lady's Cat...

Penny's voice is the most monotone Kakashi has ever heard it.

The sad thing is that Penny is truly resigned. She had made the mistake of asking Sheldon what he thought their first mission was going to be. Then she had been too morbidly curious to space out through his following tirade. Penny's only comfort is that at least they aren't getting groceries.

Beside their rather unaffected team mate, Leonard is in the same boat. Damn Sheldon and his statistics.

Kakashi observes his entire unenthusiastic team and wonders what the hell happened. Hadn't they been happy about becoming genin just yesterday? Ungrateful youth. Kakashi firmly ignores what he had just thought. He wasn't becoming his father. He wasn't.

" It'll be fun!" He lied. Attempting to get some reaction out of his team. He fails.

Kakshi swallowed a growl.

" Move out!" He snapped.

Ok, so maybe he was.

xXx

" Ramen, in position, over"

" Glasses, finished setting trap, over"

There was a wave of static over the radio that signaled a sigh.

" Genius, Target in position, but I warn you now, this won't work."

" Shut up Sheldon!" Penny and Leonard chorused over the radio.

" No braking cover, use the code names, Over"

" Yes Sensei" Team seven chorused in tandem.

" Go" Kakashi commanded.

Team seven executed their plan perfectly.

Sheldon dove at Tora from the right, Penny flanked the Cat from the left.

Together, they herded it towards Leonard, who had set up a net.

And it would have worked too, if Tora hadn't long been wise to that game. In a show of skill that would have done a Chunin proud, Tora turned mid jump and dashed away.

Two thirds of team seven stopped to gape in shock.

The last gave another sigh, " I warned you."

Kakashi watched his adorable little genin, amused," shouldn't you chase after him? He's getting away."

Penny and Leonard prepared to do just that before Sheldon stopped them.

" Don't bother, there is no sense in chasing Tora all around Konoha. It will take us forever to catch him, were hardly the first genin team that has ever been after him. We can just let him be for an hour. Then I know where he'll be."

Leonard looked unconviced, but Penny was nodding," Where do you think he'll be?"

"Where every cat this side of Konoha goes at lunch time, Miss Haneko's house."

xXx

" That's a lot of cats" Kakashi observed with mild horror.

" A hell of a lot." Leonard joined the understatement.

It was a venerable sea of felines.

" How in the Hell do you expect to find Tora in this mess!" Penny asked, turning to Sheldon, only to freeze.

" Whose a pretty kitty" Sheldon cooed at the orange fur ball in his arms. The rest of his team stared at him incredulously. Sheldon ignored them. He had told them there was an easy way to catch Tora. But did they listen? No. Of course not. Penny only ever listened to him when she was morbidly curious, bored, or had no other choice. From what he'd observed so far about the rest of his team, they were pretty much the same.

" How did you know about this", Kakashi questioned.

" My grandmother lives down the block." Sheldon informed them.

He gives Tora one last apologetic rub to the stomach, before passing him to Leonard.

He couldn't quite bring himself to betray feline kind directly.

What the Fire Lady does to cats is nothing short of animal cruelty.

xXx

**_So their first mission, next is memaws intro. Close proximity to his grandmother is what keeps Sheldon from being over bearing in my story. You'll see why when i introduce his mother. Tell me what you think!_**


	5. Chapter 5

_**Big Band: Ninja Style!**_

**by: muaaimoi**

" And just where do you think your going?"

Kakashi stares at his genin in disbelief. Two thirds of his genin team are seriously attempting to sneak away. As though he wouldn't realize it if they suddenly weren't there for training.

It's kind of insulting.

" Nothing" Sheldon answered quickly. His face closing off in the way that made him seem to be made out of stone. That trick was getting really old.

" What he said" Penny agreed, training guileless green eyes on Kakashi. Her lips falling into an innocent smile. He would sooner believe the Akamichi clan had collectively decided to diet.

Leonard sent them both hurt, betrayed glances. They had been trying to leave him behind.

" I'm sorry? Do I look like a genin greener than you?" So far experience had taught him that sarcasm was wasted on his genin team. But you really couldn't blame a guy for trying. It was a tough habit to break.

As usual Leonard swallowed nervously, looking at Kakashi as though he would rather be anywhere else. It was the sort of response Kakashi had originally gone for with the tactic, but it was a little pathetic, the way Leonard shrank into himself at the first hint of dissaproval. Which is what he took sarcasm to be.

It probably didn't help that he wasn't exactly wrong.

Penny arched her eyebrows at him, not willing to give up the goat, but unable to let the barb go unanswerd, she had a very bad temper, it was easy to forget in the wake of her smiles. It was the kind of thing that could get her killed someday, he wasn't the only the who needed to break some bad habits.

Sheldon just stared at him, the usual impenetrable mask failing with a slight narrowing of his eyes. Kakashi was starting to believe it was a sign of confusion, as Sheldon unfailingly pointed out the obvious.

" But your wearing a Jounin vest. Further more, we are assigned to you, it would take a complete imbecile to forget that you're our Jounin sensei."

Like that.

And this was the genius. So either Kakashi had scored the most naive shinobi genius in the last five centuries, or Sheldon was trying to pull the wool over his eyes. It kind of pissed him off that the odds were fifty , he had the worst luck...

" Now come on, why don't you tell your jounin sensei what your really up to? Especially since your trying to get away from your sensei, you don't want to hurt my feelings, do you?" Kakashi eye smiled at his genin. Sometimes the best response to bullshit was more bullshit.

Leonard squirmed, the only one on his team susceptible to emotional blackmail. The other two didn't so much as twitch.

" I don't know where they were going!" He burst out. It was a real shame he didn't actually know anything.

Kakashi turned to his remaining genin, eye smile stubbornly in place. Sheldon's stony mask never faltered, and neither did Penny's smile. It was a complete stalemate. Penny looked at Sheldon, and finally after a moment, both genin broke.

" We have to go see Meemaw " Sheldon admitted hesitantly.

Damn, Kakashi thought, it was good to be him. None of the other jounin sense would have managed to get them to blink, let alone fold. But he wasn't the best for nothing. And it was nice to have proof every once in a while. Then he registered what they had actually said.

"Meemaw?" He questioned, what the in the hell was a Meemaw?

" Sheldon's grandmother" Penny explained, shedding light , as she often did, on something Sheldon said.

" It's considered rude to be in the neighborhood and not drop by." Sheldon continued, as if he had never been interrupted. He got a lot of practice with that.

" Really?" Kakashi questioned, they had gone as far as to try to sneak away from him ( And rather alarmingly, almost succeed), all to see one of Sheldon's civilian family members? Why?" It's not as though you were expected."

" Oh we were" Sheldon murmured darkly.

" Meemaw always knows" Penny and Sheldon declared in tandem.

Okay, that wasn't creepy at all, really. Leonard stared at them as though they had individually sprouted second heads. Kakashi had too much practice hiding his own shock to do the same. But he had to admit, he was curious. What kind of civilians did Sheldon have in his family anyway.

" Well, we were all by Meemaws house today. Why don't you introduce her to the rest of the team, seeing as she already knows Penny?" He asked. He wasn't usually so indirect with his orders, but his genin team was best handled with care.

Sheldon and Penny traded a dubious glance.

Finally, Sheldon nodded," I don't see why not."

This was a mistake.

If only he had known... He would have avoided the life time of slavery that followed.

_**xXx**_

_**Sorry this took so long, I honestly kind of forgot, this is why I didn't want to run so many fics at once. The others end up neglected. Sadly my self control sucks.**_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Big Band: Ninja Style!**_

**by: muaaimoi**

It's the cookies that do him in.

He hadn't known to be weary. Civilian grandmothers are not people shinobi, let alone experienced Jounin like Kakashi, should be watching out for. He had walked in with his genin team. They had gone through introductions, and Sheldon's grandmother had been completely affable. She had invited them in, sat them down and produced the best tasting chocolate chip cookies Kakashi had ever had. They had been absolutely divine.

And when Miss Cooper had told the children to go play outside, as the adults had certain things to discuss. Kakashi had been about to protest that they should get going when he realized, to his ever growing horror, that he couldn't move.

At all.

When his genin looked at him for permission, he couldn't so much as twitch. They seemed to take the complete lack of movement as approval, and left him all alone.

With a civilian grandmother that had easily incapacitated him with cookies that had apparently completely unaffected his genin.

"I do hope you liked the cookies Hatake-san." Mrs. Cooper said with a wrinkled smile. " It's a very old family recipe. The coopers have a long history of being merchants of all kinds, Sheldon is the only shinobi we've ever had. We're all quite worried about my grandson, you understand. Brilliant, there's no doubt about it, and we're all so very proud. But of course one worries."

The little old lady served herself some tea, grabbing one of the poisoned cookies on his plate and taking a bite. She seemed utterly unaffected by them. Kakashi didn't know how, he had quite the tolerance built against poisons over years in the field, it took a really potent brew to affect him, but this civillian had either taken the antidote or had complete immunity.

" But I suppose you do not want to hear an old lady ramble on about her grandson. Let me be very clear then, Hatake-san. I do not wish to visit my grandson in the hospital, or be forced to lay flowers on an early grave. If I ever do, sensei, I better have to visit you're grave site as well, as if I do not, I will place you in it myself. Am I understood?"

Kakashi nearly cried in relief when the paralysis began to ware off. He could barely twitch his fingers, but he managed to nod. Something told him his chances of surviving the day would go down drastically if he didn't.

" Very good, more tea Hatake-san? I'll call the children in soon."

Kakashi coughed, his throat convulsing as he forced is to work.

" N-No". He paused to wheeze," N-need."

He ran out the second his legs could move, completely freaked out. He needed a drink so badly it hurt.

xXx

" Hey, Me-maw wheres, Kakashi-sensei? " Sheldon asked.

" Oh your sensei must have quite a drinking habit, he had something of an allergic reaction to the cookies." His grandmother replied with a peaceful smile.

The boy's nodded their acceptance of this easily, but Penny shot her a knowing smile. She'd had an 'allergic' reaction to the cookies when Sheldon had brought her around too. You did not fuck with mew-maws family. Anyone on Konoha could tell you that. kakashi-sensei was just a little late finding out was all.

_**xXx**_

_**Gah! This was hard, I have no words, Writing for this story has gotten ridiculously tough, I'm really sorry, I don't want to put it on hiatus but i really have no idea when I'll post for it next.  
><strong>_


End file.
